The Beautification of The Yahoo Boy


One argument of the Yahoo Boy: The Invasion and Looting of Africa. When they first came to our land, our fathers gave them a warm embrace. They fed them, protected them and listened to the strange abominations that flew out of their noses. They told our ancestors the Gods they worshipped were man-made and while some agreed, the many who disagreed simply shut off their ears against such blasphemy. The new faithful they got gave them everything from time, attention, tithes to seeds and according to the spiritual looters, that was what the God they brought expected of the faithful. Gradually, they started showing their wrinkled hands. One day, we let more of their brothers come into our lands and the next day these new arrivals told us their Queen was our Queen, their rules our rules, their God must be our God and their wishes were concrete.

Some of us tried to attack them while some of us vowed to protect them and brothers turned against brothers because of the presence of the foreign matter. Our Gods must be weak if those we gave the Evil Forest for worship survived the next day, many of the defenders argued. The attackers held unto the branches of a dying vine, consulted oracles and the ancestors on the way forward but that couldn’t change the order. So, these new guys established what they called civilization but this was founded on intimidation, war, science and subsequently added organised crime, exploitation and banditry to it. Prior to their arrival, Edo was one of the greatest Kingdoms in the world and within that period created artistic and educational systems of the highest quality, their streets well organised and the state was in perfect synchronisation with the traditional and spiritual identity of the people. The white crooks loved what they saw but instead of paying for the sculptures or even beg, they used intimidation, trickery and technology to loot almost everything. They didn’t stop there.

They did same in Opobo, Eko, Nri, Oyo, etc., and in each case they took the unique human and natural creations, forcefully. For over four hundred years they used our ancestors and treated them like things and properties. They stole whatever they wanted for themselves or the Queen and took it back home and their good citizens did nothing. The skilled and unskilled amongst us were bought, kidnapped and sailed to their land to do the hardest jobs. The Negroes were useful but only as farm implement. They were humans only when the master needed his sexual desires satisfied. They were cared for but only as they cared for other sick farm animals. They made our fathers slaves and gave them owners and these owners saw them as property to be disposed of at will. From the liquid black gold to coal, they stole our souls too and today you wonder why we are what we are.


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The Nigerian Yahoo Boy is simply an avenger and a creation of their endgame. He is only trying to recover lost ground and to be honest; he is still doing poorly in comparison to what they took from his father’s house. They took trillions of Pounds but he is just at millions of Euros. The margin is still far from the backlash he is getting today and he doesn’t consider that fair. He is yet to recover the monetary value of the artifacts stolen from Edo and Oyo alone. He is yet to restore the tongues and words stolen from Nri and some of his brothers are mad already. He can’t understand this stupidity. An eye for an eye will strike fear into the hearts of troublemakers and prevent everyone from going blind, he knows. They ruined his land for four hundred years and it is just 59 years since he got independence and these crazy fellows are preaching morality. Where was morality when they ruined and looted Africa blind? Where were their good citizens? By his analysis, he is yet to qualify for any evil deed.

Another argument: The Nigerian Government. These same people up there did what they did and planted a system that will keep doing what they did. If the Nigerian Government wasn’t so useless there wouldn’t be a Yahoo Boy. Blame their existence on the Nigerian government and not on the player. Hate the system that brought the game not the players working within the system. The Yahoo Boy wasn’t always in the game until the day he was old enough to know what government stands for. His story is that of a Mathematics guru whose dreams were dwarfed on first contact with the rudderless Nigerian government. They wouldn’t offer scholarship when and where needed, even for gifted orphans, but will offer the beauty pageant cars and contracts running into millions. They created the system that created the Yahoo Boy and on the basis of that, blaming the boy for simply surviving isn’t fair. Look at the education systems in place and you begin to see how. The quality is so poor and lecturers underpaid and lazy. The most updated of these lots teaches students from a note written back in 84. Students in turn learn what they want and in exam halls activate the Misson ‘La Cram La Pour’ for peace to rein.

There was no projector the last time the Professor tried to share with us a pictorial explanation of the Milky Way Galaxy. The next time, there was projector but he was not in the mood to show us what we needed to see. Then he was ready, the projector was there too, his laptop’s battery was full but there was no power in the building and he packed up and we made the class noisy for a while. The Yahoo Boy is more like a visionary who refused to be confined by the broken system. He is aware and conscious of the state of affairs and having seen the picture of his future in the present, he refused to live it. The educational system is broken and the government loves it because it will foster their primary cause. Electric Power is in disarray because someone is benefiting from the imports of generators and the supposed defenders of the masses have illegal money stuffed in their throats. Automobiles are not encouraged because it will make a Big Man go broke. The roads are bad because repair will deny the new man in charge illegal money from re-awarding it. Yahoo Boys didn’t create this and shouldn’t be blamed for what they are after double portions of torture from invaders to insiders.

My Verdict

The arguments are usually well laid out to elicit pity and often laced with pseudo-logic and the immoral. The smart Yahoo Boy works on your emotions using fractured logic and if you are not careful, you would buy his argument and help inspire up and coming criminals. This is the same method he uses on his love scam victims and princely tales. Yes, these invaders stole from Africa and they helped to forge the storm in our teacup but stealing from the citizens of Europe and America is not the logic the Yahoo Boy should lean on. The logical thing would have been to steal from the governments of these people and that itself will be based on the postures of these governments’ towards our stolen property and resources. It will have to be organised and accounted for, so in that way it wouldn’t be stealing but simply recovery.

There are also many of us in Nigeria who have fallen victim to the Yahoo Boy which makes one ask where these insiders erred. Collateral damages? If westerners and easterners are being scammed and duped because someone feels that their forefathers stole from his forefathers, on what basis is the same person stealing from a brother whose forefathers met the same bandits? If they are simply trying to recover what was stolen, what then are they recovering from the siblings they also dupe? If you love Africa so much why hurt her so much? The Yahoo Boy is simply an online criminal who does what others online won’t do with their knowledge. He is a thief, to put it correctly, and his excuses are merely smokescreens for his greed and wickedness.

Then there is the argument that the government failed, therefore it is logical but in the same country, we have people who, despite living in trenches, have refused to yield to evil. We experience differently, obviously, and no similar pain can be perfectly compared or quantified in two dissimilar people but the extent of our pain doesn’t justify the morality of our actions. The government failed everyone but a citizen stealing from everyone is not justified by government’s ineptitude. No excuse is good enough. No sweet words are good enough. When Nigerian artistes like Simi condemn them and others like SamKlef tries to piece together fractured logic that justifies the act, the Nigerian society suffers for it. Rather than get Nigerians respect, it denies them opportunities both offline and online as we have seen in sites like Fiverr where skilled young men and women often resort to using VPN apps (an illegal thing to do) to get them gigs. The work of a Yahoo Boy, in addition to destroying lives overseas, makes a victim out of every one of us. See the embassies, social media and airports for evidence. It is not in any way a beautiful scene. The Yahoo Boy is a devil.

About Poet 171 Articles
I am Rey Alaetuo, a conscious Poet and health care professional living in Owerri, Nigeria. I am an exponent of humanism and a vigilant Poet. I am deeply interested in the propagation of positive human values and behaviour.


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