Dear Nigerian Women, Men Are Are Not Naturally Polygamous

When a polygamous man uses the words “men are naturally polygamous”, it is easy to trace it to the selfishness and male chauvinism that is in the world today. He is operating from that place of pride and ego that has been massaged since the beginning of human existence. When a boy uses the words, he could be operating from that male chauvinism taught around, that the world is solely for the enjoyment of men. When Nigerian women use the words, it is because they were orientated with that male chauvinism peddled in the world. They swallowed the lie that a man, irrespective of his intelligence or moral conduct, is by virtue of his sex organ(yes, sex organ) better and above them.

Polygamous men need that line to keep up the ‘good work’ of populating Africa. To make sure Africa is riddled by more children than jobs, polygamous men and their supporters need that line to keep us in check. That line is required to validate promiscuity and you help them with it. You helped these tyrants of sexual matters execute their tyranny by providing them a moral support. Because you bought into the hogwash that men are he-goats, by nature, a great number of you are building the next generation of girls to satisfy he-goats. But why will any woman want to satisfy a he-goat sexually? Isn’t that bestiality? Simple. Male chauvinism! Through male chauvinism and support and male chauvinism, souls and more souls are won for the cause.

Some of our forefathers practised polygamy because of the size of their landmass. They needed help in tilling and cultivating crops. They wanted to cut the cost that will be needed in employing laborers to cultivate their large land mass. Some did it just to show off. For these ones, it was a way to show that they have arrived in the society and ready to challenge the wealthiest people in the society. Some took the showing off to a higher level. These ones marry a new wife to celebrate their new title in the community. It was a great feat and practice persons at the time who feel their money-pot running over initiate. At the time, ‘weaklings’ and ‘the poor’ were the few men who refused to follow that path.

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The underlying factor behind everything our forefathers did in terms of home building was personally driven. It was more about the man than the family. They saw Polygamy as another means to exercise that chauvinism the male folk sold to the world. A man with four wives was viewed as a great man. A man whose wive or wives gave birth to a boy or boys is viewed as a great man. A man who married a pretty woman was viewed as a great man. Little was done, at least from the stories we’ve read, to project equal rights in the family and female rights. It was simply all about the man and his world exhibiting that chauvinism.

Polygamy is simply the licence to be promiscuous and be respected by the people. It legalises promiscuity. Male promiscuity, that is. You don’t get to see the men chanting and supporting the rights of the womenfolk to marry many husbands. To men, that is an abomination. Polygamy here offers the rights to misbehave and be applauded. It makes cheating appear professional and harmless. It elevates the health of a man over the overall health of the family. Here, when a man(or woman) hears of Polyandry, a picture of a promiscuous woman is subconsciously created in the mind of the man or woman. They see evil, abomination, instability, chaos and the denaturing of mother natures and/or God’s will for mankind. They see promiscuity.

They are not entirely wrong. All those visions in the mind is what truly happens when a woman is in a marital relationship with many men. The problem is that their mind produces none of these images once the tables are turned. They don’t see it as invitation to evil even with the evident evil it has invited. They don’t see it as promiscuity even with the evident promiscuity. They don’t see it as a problem for the children of various mothers even with the evident problem it brings to these children. It is seen as a healthy way to curb promiscuity. the most contrary view you would get doesn’t even scratch it enough to expose anything. No outrage is seen because the opinion that men are he-goats was properly circulated.

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Dear Nigerian Women, no Nigerian man is naturally promiscuous(sorry I mean polygamous). Promiscuity is a choice. All men are not the same. All men are not he-goats. The majority of you will frown when your fathers are classified as he-goats. Many of you get mad when you are told or you hear that your father is always on heat and requires a thousand cooling spots. You get mad when those words are uttered but still, you support the motion that men are polygamous by nature. I hope that whenever you use those words you remember there is a he-goat you call ‘Dad’. A he-goat that worked hard in that ministry to give birth to you, a baby-goat. I’m just joking. That line is emotional but at least you get my point. Your dad is a human being and not a he-goat.

He(any man) is a moral entity and is responsible for how we understand him. We shouldn’t understand his moral actions by looking at the moral actions of those he shares anatomy with. The point of my argument is, orientation matters. What we say, what we teach and what we do repeatedly matters a lot. The human brain is very powerful and has the ability to capture patterns. It returns to us the images and actions we sent to it. It is neither for nor against us but we can teach it to be for us. What happens in the brain is similar to what happens in nature. Take for example what happens when you cut the trunk of a young tree daily. Over time, the route through which the branches supply nutrients to the leaves is destroyed and the leaves can not produce. You can never eat the fruits of such tree if that cutting continues.

When a young guy repeatedly hears the words ‘Men Are Polygamous By Nature’, promiscuity becomes less shameful and he acts accordingly. The gift of shame is gradually stripped and the individual is trapped in an unexamined life. To him, it is not any bad or something that should be worked on because everyone thinks there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. Because we shape attitudes and words with attitudes and words we must be careful with our attitudes and words. Utterances can shift a people into oblivion. Our young man now gets married and carries with him these wrong lectures and support we gave him in disguise. He marries four problems(this is metaphor before you come for my head) and still goes outside to groom more.

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Polygamous marriages create problems and conflicts for the women in them. Jealousy and unhealthy competition is generated and sometimes, lives are lost in the process. No man would love to share his wife with another man not even in the same compound. It creates a hole at everything he shares with that woman. The thought that his wife/girlfriend is seeing another challenges his self worth. This is human nature. The same thing applies to the woman but because the woman is more emotional than the man(both are emotional) her heart is more broken. Jealousy and hatred are planted, nurtured and given life. On the side of the other wives, jealousy and hatred are also planted, nurtured and given life. And when the two or three clash, it rains fire and brimstones.

Researchers have also shown(Google the researches) that children from monogamous families do better than those from polygamous families living in the same community. This could be traced to the difficulty in investing in every child in the polygamous family. The father tends to select the children he feels are worthy to bring his investment a great return. In some cases, the children are too numerous that he doesn’t even know their names, only their mothers. The fatherly care that is needed to support the child grow is absent and he could become a menace to the society. He grows up hating his father for both his favoritism and unfatherly love towards him. He grows up hating his father, and most often, hating the family of the sibling that was shown greater love and favor.

From the biological level, there is no polygamous gene. Their is no gene that stimulates a man to have more wives. Though the libido could be higher, the decision to marry two or more women is not biological. It is a personal choice and not the work of genetics. Nigerian women should stop encouraging polygamous lifestyles through subtle means. If he cheated on you, it isn’t because all men are dogs or polygamous by nature but because he choose to live like a dog. The behaviour of one man or a million, shouldn’t equate to the behaviour of a billion men. Equity matters. Polygamous marriages are not equitable and are usually unjust to the women, children and the society. We have a lot of problem in this country and if we want to correct some, we can start by repairing our minds and homes.

House, what do you think?

About Poet 127 Articles
I am Rey Alaetuo, a conscious Poet and health care professional living in Lagos, Nigeria. I've written three collection of Poems, I am an exponent of humanism and a vigilant Poet. I am deeply interested in the propagation of positive human values and behaviour.

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