Men Chill, Feminism Is Not What You Think It Is

Imagine going on a date with a beautiful lady and she pays the expenses you both incurred because she is richer than you. Imagine a pretty lady approaches you to bare her thoughts, the emotions and nightmares your presence evokes, explaining that only your presence in her life will restore her sanity. Imagine your wife provides you with wardrobe allowance, beer allowance and shaving allowance because her salary quadruples yours. If she refuses, you whine and cry, and all civilized people applaud and protest the abuse of your right. Imagine your girlfriend kneels to propose marriage, a diamond ring exposed, fifty latest iPhones around the both of you forming the shape of love, surrounded by her friends, you blush and boldly tell her ‘No’.*winks*. Imagine none of these is deemed extraordinary. Fellow men, how can this be a threat to us?

At the basic level, Feminism isn’t the threat to our society, a clog in the wheel of our progress or the cancer we have come to identify it with. It is simply a call for equitable treatment of the female sex. The equitable handling of all the sexes. The call for sharing responsibilities based on our strengths and weaknesses in various areas of life. A man with intelligence issues shouldn’t decide how the home is run if his wife is advantaged on that side. A wife who is a bad cook should leave the kitchen to save the family from food poisoning. The idea that certain roles are for a particular sex, even when an opposite sex does better in them shouldn’t be employed in the running of a home. A poor man shouldn’t be forced to borrow to pay his children’s tuition fees if his wife has more money.

Recently, I encountered a Chauvinist who tried to shove down my throat a new brand of something she called Feminism. Her sermon was relayed with the vigour of military commanders and the spirits of her internet warriors were sharpened. She reeled out words of wisdom and gave recommendations for peculiar problems: “If he cheats on you it is Feministic(not her exact words though) to cheat on him with his best friend and leave”. “If he is hungry he should go to the kitchen and cook his meal, you are no ones slave”. “Don’t exhibit the naive loyalty of our mothers”. “If he beats you call your brothers to rearrange his face”. She had so many lines. The first male commented: ‘you can’t find a husband at 35 and now you are putting your frustration on men’. The second wrote: “You are too ugly to find a man”. An hour later, I couldn’t find their comments. She was less than 25 and beautiful and her followers gagged dissenting voices too.

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The truth is, in matters of gender equality and equity, our world have battered more women than men. Hush! This is not the suffering Olympics. Many countries, fearing the unknown, intentionally impede the growth of women. In some countries, women are not allowed to drive cars. Some men have cited resonance-induced orgasms as reason. In so many places in Africa, Bride Price, showing transfer of ownership, is paid before a girl is released for marriage(isn’t this demeaning?). Some men have gone as far as saying they’ve got the fundamental human right to beat their wives if they misbehave. Some even propose a good beating as solution to return unstable wives to default settings. Women have had more series of mental, psychological and physical traumas as a result. These memories worry the chauvinist and she seeks for revenge but hiding under the cloak of feminism. She is not after equity or equality but simply revenge. Trying to teach men, through experience, how people should be treated. Chauvinism is not feminism.

Feminism is not what most antagonists of feminism think: the desire by the womenfolk to control the men. That is chauvinism. It is not an attempt to dominate and subdue a person, the male, simply because he is…yes, Male. It is simply a more reasonable and fair system in handling the male and female folks in this heterogeneous world. Once the physiological and/or intellectual make up of a person permits the ability to undertake a task, it becomes oppressive when he or she is denied such work on the basis of physiology and/or intellect. A man shouldn’t get a job just because he is a man, even though the requirement for getting the job is hinged on intellect, which he lacks. A man shouldn’t be chosen to lead a people when he has proven over time to be a bad manager of people and a specialist in failure. If there is a woman who has proven to be a master of human management she should be chosen. This is Feminism. This is commonsense.

Feminism does not give women edge over the men. It simply aids the creation of a balance in human relationships. A balance that restores and promotes quality and justice in our lives. A woman should not work or be employed in a female hair saloon simply because she is female but because she has a better understanding of how it is run and better suited for the job when compared to the man applying for the job. A woman shouldn’t work or be employed as a nurse simply because she is a woman but because she is better than the male candidates interviewed for the same position. This is feminism and it doesn’t hurt our civility as humans. It doesn’t cut off all the positives the human race have achieved since the beginning of civilization. It expands it even further. We all gain when the right people are in the right places. Persons in dire need need the right care providers.

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The problem has often been the misrepresentation of what feminism really means. Some of its loud female proponents have been people who bear deep seated and justified grudges against the male folk. Women with battered and broken marriages and/or deep and justified hatred for men. While their grievances may be just, their operational methods and understanding is crude. You don’t fight hate with hate where your intention is to create a loving environment. You only do that when you are convinced your enemy is incapable of change and must be defeated with greater hate. That is pessimistic. Women need equity and not revenge. Women and men need each other. Women need love. We all do. Women find love too. Men do. When anyone sets out to find hate s/he finds it too.

So, men, chill. This is not a threat to any of us. The only threat to us are the chauvinists and the male chauvinists who erect the unjust structures that produce injustice and chauvinists. Only men who feel they’ve got some fundamental and divine right to maltreat their wives and debase women are scared of feminism and they are crude. Others are genuinely less informed and often use the female chauvinist as basis for determining what a feminist world will look like. This thing is for the good of us and the world. It is not hate or an attempt to take our crown. It is not an attempt to ‘challenge’ our authority. It is an attempt to challenge the authority that placed commonsense on the back burner. It is an attempt to eliminate any reason for sadness. An attempt to make sure that the crown is on a good head. Men, chill!

About Poet 119 Articles
I am Rey Alaetuo, a conscious Poet and health care professional living in Lagos, Nigeria. I've written three collection of Poems, I am an exponent of humanism and a vigilant Poet. I am deeply interested in the propagation of positive human values and behaviour.

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